04 Mar Silence
Envy is silent in me. I thought I had glimpses of it, twice, towards people I respect; one time when I was a teenager, towards a Romanian writer who lived in India, the other time in my thirties.
The second time, in 2013 in Scotland, ironing my uniform, burned out with exhaustion, I’ve heard Deepak Chopra online saying he routinely goes in the mountains, on his own retreat, not speaking, not listening to the radio, not interacting online, not reading… for a week or two. Wow! I thought I felt a hint of envy then, although it was invalidation, more – my thought was “that’s because he can”. At the time, even the planning of a retreat seemed inconceivable. Life went on, extremely busy, as usual… surviving mode. A few weeks later, I don’t even know how, me and my partner at the time, we are on a train from Lisbon to Odemira, going for a week Satsang with Mooji. Two out of the three other Romanians attending the Satsang have sits right in front of us. They hear us speaking the language and start a conversation.
“Are you ready for the experience?”
“But the non-talking part, all this time?”
“What non-talking part?”
“It’s a silent retreat, we are supposed to be silent all this time, not talking”.
It took me some minutes and some questions to find out what a silent retreat was, something in me could not believe that was for real – not speaking, not listening to the radio, not interacting online, not reading… for a week. Wow!
On that train, in Portugal, I knew the angels sing a silent tune.